Some women are unable to conceive. Sarah and her husband tried for years to have a baby, but to Sarah’s eternal disappointment, she was unable to get pregnant. It was the same for Cosette. She and her husband went to fertility doctors for help, with no result.
Eventually, after years of going through the monthly cycle of hope, expectation, and devastation, they ended up adopting a baby together. Catherine and James began trying to get pregnant when Catherine was 39 years old. “I told my husband I wanted to try it naturally. If we gave it a year or two and nothing happened, I’d be able to let it go,” Catherine says.
“So we just stopped using birth control. We kept trying but nothing happened. In retrospect I probably should have investigated all the options to increase my chances. I really did want to have a child. There are still pangs because that seems like the ultimate biological experience. I will never have the same connection with my stepson as I would have with my own child. On the other hand, I’m adopted, and I know it’s perfectly possible to have a close and loving relationship with nonblood parents.”
If you can’t have your own baby, make sure you allow yourself to grieve. It may be a wound you’ll have for your lifetime. Still, creating a warm and supportive stepfamily can help you feel fulfilled.