Talk with your lawyer about the house or any other property you own, insurance policies, retirement accounts, investments, cash, and any personal items you want to name for specific family members. You might want to set up a trust so there will be no questions about where you want your money to go.You’ll also want to include how your debt will be paid in the event that you die with debt.
Many stepmothers are uncomfortable naming their stepchildren in their wills right away and wait until they’ve been a part of the family for a decade or more before they change their wills to reflect the closeness of the relationship.
Other women decide to put the stepkids in right away. And some stepmoms leave money equally to their stepchildren and biological children because they don’t want to drive a wedge between the siblings. Make sure your husband’s will is in order, too, and that you know what it says. If your husband dies before you do, you’ll want to make sure you are taken care of and the children are also considered.
You don’t want to be a stepmom who dukes it out with her stepkids once Dad is gone over what he’s done in his will. In fact, it’s better if you sit down with all of the kids before anyone goes anywhere and let them know what you plan to do with your estates so there are no surprises at a time when everyone will be grieving. Darcy is a human resources manager who became a stepmother of two children.
After she and her husband married, they had two kids together. “If we both die, we have a living trust so that all four of the kids receive equal amounts,” Darcy says. “In the event that my husband dies first, I would take what I need to live on and then split the excess four ways.” Judy, a counselor and management consultant, doesn’t have kids of her own. She’s left everything to her stepchildren. “I don’t know if they would have gotten everything if my siblings’ kids were in need, but every one of my siblings is better off than I am, so it hasn’t been an issue.”
Mary, the nurse who waited eleven years to marry Pat, wants her nieces and nephews to inherit her assets. She figures her five stepchildren have plenty of money coming from their mother’s family and from their father.