Although the research specifically on forgiveness in relationships is limited, forgiveness research is a fast-growing field, and I am confident that research in this area will bloom as forgiveness becomes a mainstream concept over the next ten years. In this outline of the latest studies, we can see that they all seem to point to the need for forgiveness as a cornerstone for loving and lasting relationships.
A recent study proved that forgiveness in romantic relationships is directly related to the levels of satisfaction with and commitment to the relationship that both partners feel. Being forgiving helped both the forgiver and the forgiven feel better about the relationship.10 Another study revealed that people whose first reaction to a relationship problem is to consider revenge have greater difficulty maintaining a close relationship.
John Gottman did some interesting research on the factors that lead couples to divorce. His work showed that a marriage is in trouble when harshness, stonewalling, defensiveness, criticism, and contempt overtake it. When these kinds of negative interactions start to occur regularly, the marriage is in danger and divorce starts to become more likely.
Gottman’s research also shows that a certain amount of conflict and disagreement is inevitable in a relationship and that many of a couple’s disagreements will remain unresolved. If disagreements are inevitable in a relationship, then it is up to the couple to choose how they respond to them. It seems to me that a couple can either choose bitterness, which may well lead to divorce, or forgive each other and work to save their marriage.