A third study looked at how individuals whose lover or spouse had cheated handled the situation. The findings showed that if they felt forgiveness, it soothed the hostility that would have otherwise led to the end of the relationship. Compared to those who remained in their marriage, those individuals who chose to end the relationship after discovering their partner’s cheating said that they felt less forgiving.
Some of the most interesting and successful research in the usefulness of forgiving in a troubled relationship was done by Mark Rye, a professor at the University of Dayton. In his studies, he focused on divorced people, whom he taught to be more forgiving of their ex-spouses. Many divorced people strongly feel that they were mistreated by their partner, and consequently they harbor feelings of anger and hostility toward their ex long after the divorce has been finalized.
Holding on to these negative feelings can cause many problems. The conflict between divorced parents is often very hurtful and damaging to their children. The parents may also find that their physical and psychological health suffers as a direct result of holding on to these negative emotions.
Rye and his colleagues were also interested in how different kinds of forgiveness intervention could work. They put 149 divorced individuals into either a secular forgiveness group, a religiously integrated forgiveness group, or a comparison group that received no help.
As in the other tests I’ve described, tests of forgiveness and mental health were administered before the groups began, one week after they ended, and six weeks later for a final follow-up. Participants in both intervention groups, compared to those in the comparison group, reported feeling significantly more forgiving toward an ex-spouse and had an improved understanding of forgiveness.